Meditation for people who can't sit still

Most people who tell us they can't sit still never actually asked the question. They just have a feeling: the moment they sit down, something in them wants to move. So they decide meditation is not for them.

But the point of meditation was never to be still. It is an awareness practice. Think of it as a verb: being meditative. The question is not how do I sit still. It is how do I notice what is happening, including the part of me that can't sit still.

When you start to watch your mind instead of fighting it, you become the observer rather than the doer. From there, the restlessness is not a sign that you are failing. It is part of what you are watching, and part of the process.

You are in good company. In a set of studies published in Science in 2014, most people did not enjoy sitting alone with their thoughts for just 6 to 15 minutes, and many chose to give themselves a mild electric shock rather than keep sitting.

Steve opens his Monday mornings with polyvagal nurturing, and it was made for exactly the people who struggle to sit still. It works with the body before it asks anything of the mind.

It is named for the vagus nerve, which runs from your brain down through your neck to your heart, your lungs and your gut. It is the main line of the body's rest and digest system. When it is more active, your heart rate slows, your breath slows, and your body stops bracing for the next thing.

You cannot think your way into that. You reach it through the body. So we start with the hands together, then bring them to the ears, the eyes, the face, the heart and the belly. We cue the breath along the way, but the real work is attention: noticing each part of the body as your hands arrive, and tuning in to how it feels. By the time the meditation begins, your body has had a few minutes of being noticed instead of rushed.

Touch does something on its own, too. In a 2021 trial, 159 adults went through a stress test. Those who used a simple self-soothing touch, like a hand on the heart, had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol afterwards than those who used no touch.

There is one line we hear again and again from new members: this is different. I don't have to do it a certain way.

You are allowed to fidget. You are allowed to overthink. You can type in the chat while we play, and nobody will criticize you for it. Meditation is not a test you pass by holding still.

The beauty of meditating live over Zoom is that you are in your own channel. You cannot disturb anyone else. If you want to walk around the room while the person in the next square sits perfectly still, go ahead. Neither of you will know what the other is doing.

Lie down, sit up, keep your eyes open, turn your camera off. Get up for a glass of water. The morning carries on around you, and you come back to it when you are ready.

Telling a restless person to focus on their breath hands them the hardest job there is. A bowl tone is easier. It fills the room, and your attention can rest on it without any effort.

The line we hear most after someone's first live sound bath: I didn't think that could happen. I've never been able to slow my thoughts down.

And because the morning starts at 8:30 and ends at 9, someone else is keeping time. There is no clock to check and no timer to watch. You only have to be there.